Rise of the Guardians Bloopers
by sapphire316
Summary: Even Guardians can mess up while making a movie...
1. Chapter 1

(Jack's first flying scene)

Jack: (shakily flies, then falls, crashing through the trees. Instead of clinging to the branch like he was supposed to, he lands on...the place.) AUGH! (Falls off tree. Voices off screen can be heard laughing) NOT FUNNY!

Director: Cut!

...

(When Pitch attacks Sandy)

Pitch: Don't fight the fear little lamb! Wait...

(Take 2)

Pitch: Don't fight the fear little hand! (Facepalms)

(Take 3)

Pitch: Don't fight the fear little can! ...UGH!

(Take 15)

Pitch: Don't fight the fear little man!

Camera man: Wait, crap we weren't rolling.

Pitch: I WILL DESTROY YOU!

Director: Cut!

...

(Jack and Bunny's argument at the Pole)

Bunny: What did you just call me? I am NOT a kangaroo, mate.

Jack: Really? All this time I thought you were. If you're not a kangaroo, what are you?

Bunny: (leans in, all epic like) I'm a kangaroo. No wait!

Jack: (laughs) I knew it!

Bunny: Shut up!

Jack: Hey, you said it

Bunny: Why you little-

Director: CUT!

...

(The scene where Pitch knocks Jack off a cliff)

Pitch: (breaks staff)

Jack: NO!

Pitch: (knocks Jack off the cliff with black sand, then throws the broken staff pieces down)

Jack: (lays at the bottom of the trench)

Director: Um, Jack? We've still got a scene to do.

Jack: (doesn't move)

Director: ...

Camera Man: I told you we needed stunt doubles!

Director: Shut up Rob!

Camera man: I'm Jerry.

Rob: I'm Rob!

Director: I don't care! Just someone wake him up!

Rob: On it!

Director: Cut!

...

(When the Guardians are collecting the teeth)

Jack: (freezes the roof so much that Bunny slides off the edge before he can grab the tooth from him) ...guys I lost the tooth.

(Laughter)

Director: Cut!

...

(When Pitch confronts Jack in Antarctica)

Jack: (stands at the top of the cliff after deciding not to throw his tooth box off. Waits for Pitch, but he doesn't come) ...Pitch? That was your cue...Pitch? (A flush can be heard) Pitch get out of the bathroom!

(Laughter)

Director: Cut!

...

(When Jack hits Jamie in the head with a snowball)

Jack: (throws snowball)

Jamie: (gets hit in the head and falls over. He doesn't get up)

Jack: (covers mouth with one hand and sidesteps off screen)

(laughter)

Director: Cut!

...

(The end of Jack's Guardian ceremony)

North: (slaps Jack on the back)

Jack: (knees buckle and he slumps forward onto the ground. Muffled) ow...please take that out of the movie...

(laughter)

Director: Cut!

...

(When Sandy tries to put Jamie back to sleep)

Sandy: (throws a dreamsand ball and it bounces off the wall and hits the camera man, knocking him over)

(Laughter)

Director: Ugh...cut!

...

(When Jamie sees Jack)

Jack: He sees me...he sees me! (Does a backflip but fails, crashing into the dresser)

Jamie: (bursts out laughing)

Director: I can't work with you guys anymore, I'm going home.

* * *

**Something tells me he'll be back if the pay's good enough. Anyway, this is what happens when I get bored in school and have absolutely nothing else to do. Hope you guys enjoyed the bloopers! At some point I might get a around to making more, but no promises. For the time being, please review and don't sniff neighborhood stop signs! ...yeah I really don't know. Sapphire316, out. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok, you guys seemed to really want more, so here's another chapter of Rise of the Guardians Bloopers! Enjoy!**

* * *

(Jack's memories)

Jack: It's ok, it's ok. Just don't look down, look at me. You're gonna be fine, you're not gonna fall- (the ice suddenly opens and Jack falls in) IIIIIIIINNNNNNN! (Comes up coughing and spitting out water) Ok that wasn't even funny who did that!?

Bunny: (snickers, standing next to a lever that's labeled "open ice")

Director: Cut!

...

(When Jack is chasing the Nightmare with Sandy)

Jack: (is flying, then goes to propel himself off the ground. However, he slips on oil and falls) AUGH! (Face plants into the ground) ugh...who's car is leaking!?

(Laughter)

Director: Cut!

...

(Jamie's wild sled ride)

Jack: Little slippery! (Freezes ground, but his foot gets caught in the sled's runner) oh craaaAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPP! (Without Jack controlling the sled's path, they crash into a lamppost)

(Laughter)

Director: Cut!

...

(When the Guardians are collecting the teeth)

Bunny: (smirking) Ho ho ho...(strikes match, but it doesn't light.) what the-(North comes down the chimney and crashes into Bunny)

(Laughter)

Director: Cut!

...

(Jack and Bunny's argument at the Pole)

Bunny: (leans in all epic like) I'm a bunny

Jack: (snickers, then bursts out laughing)

Bunny: I hate this bloody line...

Director: Cut!

...

(The first sleigh ride)

Jack: Hey Bunny, check out this viewwwwOAAHHHHHHHHHH! (Falls off sleigh)

Bunny: AUGH! NORTH! (Nervously looks over edge where Jack's supposed to be sitting on the runner, but he's not there. Stares) ...uh...

Director: Cut! Somebody find Jack!

...

(At Pitch's lair)

Pitch: The lights...why aren't they going out?

Nightmare: (whinnies)

Pitch: They're collecting the teeth!?

Nightmare: (looks over Pitch's shoulder)

Pitch: (tries to make a scary face, but ends up just looking like he needs to use the little Boogeyman's room)

Nightmare: (whinnies in a way that sounds like laughter)

Pitch: ...what?

Director: Cut! And get Pitch a mirror!

...

(When Bunny confronts Jack in the alley)

Bunny: Hello mate. Been a long time. Blizzard of '68, wasn't it?

Jack: (innocently leaning on his staff) Bunny! You're not still mad about that, are you?

Bunny: ...don't give me that look.

Jack: what look?

Bunny: the (high pitched voice) "I'm so angelic and every fangirl in the world worships me and I'm the only reason about 90% of people are coming to see this movie" (end high pitched voice) look.

Jack: well I can't help it if that's true

Bunny: ...

Jack: (smiles innocently)

Bunny: ...shut up Frostbite.

Director: Cut!

...

(When Jack is saying goodbye to Jamie)

Jack: You're telling me you stop believing in the moon when the sun comes up?

Jamie: no...

Jack: (a bird lands on his head) Well, do you stop believing in the sun when clouds block it out and there's a bird on my head?

Jamie: (snickers, then laughs)

(More laughter)

Director: (thinking) make it stop...(speaking) Cut!

...

(When they're battling Nightmares)

Jack: (lands on sleigh)

Bunny: You might wanna-

Jack: (gets hit in the back of the head with a boomerang) OW!

Bunny: ...duck.

Director: Cut! Why did I come back...

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed!**

**Jack: Why do most of these involve me getting hurt?**

**Because they do.**

**Jack: That's not an answer.**

**I don't care. Now, as always, review and never eat wool!**

**Jack: Help! She's holding me here against my will!**

**Quiet you or I'll feed you to the dragons! ...bye!**


	3. Chapter 3

(When Jack is flying after Sandy when he's attacked by Pitch)

Jack: NO! (Starts flying rapidly towards them, but crashes into something) OW! ...WHO PUT THE GLASS WALL HERE!?

Rob: My bad! We ran out of space in the Glass Wall department.

Director: Well why'd you put it the middle of the-wait. Since when did we have a Glass Wall department?

Rob: Since you told us to make one, sir.

Director: ...oh. Cut!

...

(When Pitch is dragged down into his lair by the Nightmares)

Pitch: (starts being dragged) AUGH! NOOOOO-(gets stuck in the hole) ...can someone get me out?

(Laughter)

Director: Cut! Someone get an oil can, or some butter!

...

(When Tooth punches Pitch in the face)

Tooth: You didn't even say goodbye! (Flips quarter at him, but Pitch fails to catch it)

Pitch: ...crap.

(Take 2)

Tooth: You didn't even say goodbye! (Flips quarter at him and it lands in Pitch's eye)

Pitch: AUGH! Are you doing this on purpose!?

Tooth: I swear I'm not!

(Take 3)

Tooth: You didn't even say goodbye! (Flips quarter at him and Pitch catches it)

Pitch: ...a quarter?

Tooth: (punches him in the face. There's a sickening crack and Pitch grabs his jaw in pain)

Pitch: AAAUAUUGHH YOU BROKE MY JAW! (But it sounds more like AAUGHHHHGHOOOOKEAHAWWWWWW!)

Tooth: (covers mouth with hands) Oops!

Director: Hey. Walking ice pack. Put your hand on his jaw.

Jack: I'm not gonna-

Director: DO IT OR YOU'RE NOT GETTING PAID

Jack: I don't get paid at all.

Director: I DON'T CARE. ...CUT

...

(When Pitch enters Cupcake's room)

Pitch: Oh, I thought I heard the clippity clop of a unicorn. What an adorable dream. And look at her, oh, precious child. So full of hope, and wonder. Why, there's only one thing missing. A touch of-

Cupcake: (bolts upright) GRAAAAHHHHHH!

Pitch: (screams like a girl and clutches heart)

(Laughter)

Director: (stifling laughter) C-cut!

...

(When Jack is being drawn out of the lake)

Jack: (floats before the moon, staring up at it in awe. Suddenly crashes to the ground instead of gently falling down, and the ice breaks again. Comes up spitting out water) WHAT THE HECK PEOPLE!?

(Laughter)

Director: Cut!

...

(When the Guardians are about to go to the Warren)

North: As much as I hate to admit it old friend, this year, (smirks) Christmas is more important than Easter.

Bunny: Hey did everyone hear tha-WAIT A MINUTE.

(Laughter)

Director: Cut!

...

(Jack and Bunny's argument at the Pole)

Bunny: You see you're invisible mate, it's like you don't even...(trails off, kinda forgetting line)

Jack: I don't even what? What don't I even do?

Bunny: Exist! You don't even exist.

Jack: Really? 'Cause I'm pretty sure I'm standing right here-

Director: Stop the idle chatter! Cut!

...

(When the Guardians meet Sophie at the Warren)

Guardians: (are running to the entrance)

Sophie: (appears, staring up at them)

Bunny: (trips) Oh crikey! (Lands on Sophie)

Other Guardians: OOHHH!

Director: Ok, quit it with the child abuse, people! First the talking icicle knocks out Jamie, then the kangaroo flattens Sophie! Cut!

...

(Jack and Bunny's argument at the Pole)

Bunny: It's like you don't even exist.

Sandy: (is giving Bunny bunny ears in between his real ones)

Jack: (snickers then bursts out laughing)

Bunny: What?

Jack: Nothing, Four Ears!

Bunny: Four Ears...(turns around) SANDY!

(Laughter)

Director: This so stupid...cut!

...

(When Tooth hugs Jack at the end)

Tooth: (laughs, then hugs Jack. But, she ends up knocking him over and he goes sliding across the ice)

Jack: ACK! (To the director) Can we PLEASE take that out of the movie?! She's knocked me over 10 times!

Director: First of all, it was only 9 times. Second of all, this movie needs pairings!

Jack: ...no it doesn't!

Director: (ignores him) And this is the perfect one!

Tooth: But it didn't happen in real life!

Director: Don't care. Cut!

* * *

**And this is what I think of ToothXJack. Erm, Jack's opinion, not the director's. I don't know, I just don't like it. Sorry to disappoint any fans of Rainbow Snowcone or whatever, but I don't ship it. Like, at all. Same with Jackrabbit, Black Ice, and other weird pairings. ANYway, please review and always remember, it's weird to collect traffic cones. For now, Sapphire316, out.**


	4. Chapter 4

(When North is talking to Jack in his workshop)

North: And at my center...

Jack: (opens the last Russian doll thing but it falls to the ground) Ah crap! (Picks it up) Got it! (Starts laughing)

(Laughter)

Director: Cut!

...

(When Jack is flying through the streets at the beginning)

Jack: (bounces off the wall and crashes into a fat lady who evidently believes in him)

Lady: (screams and pepper sprays him)

Jack: AUGHHH! (Covers eyes)

Lady: That'll teach ya ta mess with Leslie O'Neil!

Jack: AUGH, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!?

Director: Cut! And someone get her off the set!

Lady: Set? What set? I don't see no set around here!

Director: I said CUT!

...

(Jack and Bunny's argument on Easter)

Bunny: We should NEVER, have trusted you!

Some random person behind Bunny: MOO

Bunny: (stands there for a second with a "what the heck" face on)

Jack: (bursts out laughing) Did someone just moo behind you!?

Bunny: I think so...

(Laughter)

Director: Cut!

...

(When Jack carries Jamie up to Pippa's window)

Pippa: Jamie, how are you doing that!?

Jamie: Jack FroOOSSSSTTTTTT! (Falls)

Jack: (has an "oh crap" expression on)

Director: I TOLD YOU TO STOP ABUSING CHILDREN! CUT!

...

(When Jack is talking to Baby Tooth in the ice trench)

Jack: Did you...did you see that!?

Baby Tooth: (shakes head)

Jack: I had a family, I had a sister! I saved her!

(The prop cliffs fall down)

Jack: (sits there with a smile on his face, trying not to laugh)

Director: Really? Again? That's it, we're using real cliffs. Cut!

...

(When Jack's walking across the wires at night)

Jack: (freezes the wire next to him)

(The poles break)

Jack: AUGHH! (Falls)

Director: What is with stuff not working today!? Cut!

...

(When North is talking to Jack in his workshop)

North: (cracking knuckles) Now we get down to tacks of brass.

Jack: (whispers) tacks of brass...(door closes)

North: (advances on Jack) Who ARE you, Jack Frost? (Accidentally knocks Jack into the door too hard and it falls, taking Jack with it)

Jack: GAH!

Director: Just kill me now...Cut!

...

(When Jack lands on the bridge in Pitch's lair)

Pitch: Maybe not. But you are afraid of something.

Jack: (lands on the bridge, but instead of just barely recovering, topples off) AUGH!

Director: So many injuries today...and they all involve Jack...sigh, cut!

...

(The first time Jack goes to the Pole)

Jack: You're all hard work, and deadlines, and I'm snowballs and fun times. I'm not a Guardian.

Bunny: That's exactly what I said!

Jack: (mimicking his accent) That's exactly what I said!

Bunny: ...what are you doing?

Jack: ...what are you doing?

Bunny: Stop. Just stop.

Jack: Stop. Just stop.

Bunny: Look mate, if you don't stop-

Jack: Look mate, if you don't stop.

Bunny: AUGH

Jack: AUGH

Bunny: (pauses) I'm an idiot.

Jack: That you are

Bunny: (tries to punch Jack in the face)

Jack: (easily dodges)

Director: Ok now that's just childish! Cut!

...

(The final battle with Pitch)

North: (jumps out of a chimney) HAAHHH! ...wrong rooOOOOOFFFFF! (Falls into another chimney on a lower roof, then ends up popping out of the chimney of the right roof and squashing Jack)

Jack: AUGHHHH! WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME!?

Random person: AHHHHHH! FLYING RUSSIANS! IT'S THE SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE!

Director: ...that made, NO sense. Cut! Someone get Jack an ambulance!

* * *

**Hey, you guys asked me to injure Jack, do I did. For those of you that were wondering, yes, I'm treating this as if it actually happened and the Guardians (and Pitch, even though he's under a strict contract) are asked to make it a movie. And no, there are no stunt doubles. Also, uh, director? Jack might need more than an ambulance...oh well. Makes for more laughs!**

**Jack: WHY DO YOU FIND JOY IN MY PAIN!?**

**Becuase it's funny. **

**Jack: She's still holding me captive! Help! I'm in the dishwasher!**

**NO! DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, HE'S CRAZY! ...anyway...oh, and that Leslie O'Neil person, she's PurpleKittyFangirl's OC. If you have any questions, just ask her, or ask me so I can ask her. Either way is fine!**

**Jack: SERIOUSLY PEOPLE! HELP!**

**GET BACK IN THE DISHWASHER! I mean, uh...please review and uh, never kiss a moose in September! **

**Jack: GUYS!**

**OKIGOTTAGOPUTAGUYINMYDISHWASHERBYEFORNOWSAPPHIRE316OUT! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Wow, it's about time I updated this! Anyway, thanks for all your reviews, they're much appreciated! Now, on with the bloopers!**

* * *

(Just after Tooth explains the teeth hold memories)

Tooth: I-I can't, Pitch has them.

Jack: (flies, turns around, lands, then points staff at her) Then we have to get them back! (Ice shoots out of the staff)

Tooth: (screams)

Jack: (eyes widen) uh...

Director: Nice job. Cut!

...

(After Jack freezes the wave of Nightmares with his ice lightning)

Jack: (drained, starts falling)

Tooth: (flies up to catch him, but misses and he plummets past her) (gasps)

Director: ...somebody get him. Cut!

...

(When Pitch is talking to Jack in his lair)

Jack: (holding head) Stop it, stop i-whoa! (A Nightmare sneakily trips him and he falls down the stairs)

(Laughter)

Director: Cut! Who let the horse on set?

...

(When the mini fairies are putting Monty back to bead)

Mini fairies: (carry Monty through the hall, only to lose their grip and drop him)

Monty: AUGH! (Falls and hits head on floor)

Director: Cut! Again with the child abuse...

...

(When the yeti is putting Claude and Caleb back to bed)

Yeti: (holds the twins, looks at them, then drops them into the bunny holes)

Twins: (instead of landing on their beds, they shoot out of the wall and Claude hits the camera man while Caleb crashes into the camera, making it fall)

Director: Cut! What did I say about the child abuse!?

...

(When Pitch attacks Sandy)

Pitch: (pulls back the arrow and lets it fly, but it misses and hits a Nightmare, killing it) ...

Sandy: (silently cracks up)

(Laughter)

Pitch: Oh shut up, all of you!

Director: Cut! Pitch needs to work on his aim!

...

(Behind the scenes)

Jack: Sandy, is it on? (Looks at the camera) Ok, so hey! We're here to take you behind the scenes of Rise of the Guardians! We're gonna be stopping by each cast member's room and see what they're doing! Come on Sandy

(Jack and Sandy walk down the hall)

Jack: First, Tooth! (Opens the door to Tooth's room and is lost in an avalanche of teeth)

Sandy: (turning the camera on himself) ...(puts an image of a shovel over his head and leaves to get one)

...

(Behind the scenes)

Jack: (slightly beaten up 'cause of the teeth) ok...and we're back. Next up is Bunny's room. (Opens door and is met by a boomerang)

Bunny: crikey, get out of here!

Jack: ok ok I can take a hint!

Bunny: (throws another boomerang and it hits the camera, turning it off)

...

(Behind the scenes)

Jack: (a bit more beat up) ...welcome back. Next, we're making the terrible decision to go into Pitch's room. Isn't that right Sandy?

(Camera moves up and down as if it's nodding)

Jack: (opens door. Black sand is hurled into his face. Closes door) ...I probably should have expected that one, huh Sandy?

(Camera moves up and down again, then focuses on the sand on the floor)

Jack: ...I'll get a broom

...

(Behind the scenes)

Jack: And I'm finally done cleaning up the sand! To end off this tour, we'll be going to North's room to see what he's up to! (Opens door)

North: (is dancing) YO I'LL, TELL YOU WHAT I WANT, WHAT I REALLY REALLY WANT, SO TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT, WHAT YOU REALLY REALLY WANT

(The camera turns to Jack)

Jack: 0_0 ...Sandy turn the camera off.

* * *

**Jack and Sandy aren't gonna get THAT image out of their heads for a while. As always, please review, and don't eat blue leopards! Sapphire316, out.**


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